A triumphant return to television: Conan on TBS

In case you have been hiding under a rock lately, I'll let you in on a little secret. Conan O'Brien has a new show.

I'll let you in on another secret. I went to the last of four test screenings on Thursday, November 4 out in beautiful Burbank, CA and experienced "Conan" firsthand.

If you're expecting something different than you saw on Conan's NBC programs, you're going to be pretty disappointed. Conan is really more of the same, give or take a beard or two. Same lanky host, same Andy Richter, same band, same head writer, yet it lacks something - the stuffy, corporate element that NBC's Tonight provided is pleasantly absent from the TBS show, which will no doubt leave long time fans of the man not only pleased to see Conan's triumphant return to television, but also his triumphant return to himself.

Late Night with Conan O'Brien was wonderful for many reasons, the first and foremost being that it was fairly low-budget. Props were shamelessly assembled from foam rubber and duct tape, Popsicle sticks and fishing line. There are few things funnier than crappily made props - or whole characters and comedy pieces focused around an uncooked potato with stick-on google eyes. Truly, it was not just the nonsense, but the low-budget nonsense that made Late Night so lovable.

When Conan was awarded The Tonight Show, something changed. O'Brien felt the need to grow up and be true to the franchise he grew up loving and respecting, and honor the memory of the beloved Johnny Carson. "You can't have a masturbating bear at 11:30" sticks in my head. Additionally, the show's budget grew, and although the level of comedic brilliance never altered, the screwball element deadened, the nonsense dwindled, and so Conan's audience felt shafted - after all, if Conan grows up, that means we all have to.

But not on TBS. Here, O'Brien is free to be himself, and return to the low-budget, self deprecation that we've grown to love, then crave, then miss.

The three guests Thursday evening were Elijah Wood, Charlie Day and Lisa Loeb, and although their appearances were entertaining, it was the comedy pieces that stood out - there were three of them, plus a monologue (or Conologue, for you hardcore Conan fans out there). We also saw the triumphant return of the "middle bit," a brief comedy piece between the first and second guests, something that was sorely missed at Tonight. In the first comedy piece, O'Brien showed off his new studio, which looks almost exactly like the third and final Late Night set, an art deco bachelor pad that overlooks the Pacific ocean rather than the Manhattan skyline, complete with a remote controlled moon that he proceeded to use to "crush" Andy, who has happily returned to the chair next to Conan's desk for comedy pieces. The bit continued with a little bit of nonsense no doubt penned by writer Brian McCann, who appeared in the piece wearing a white, spandex body suit and performed a "Moondance" as he wore the moon like a head.

Conan comes to you from Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank, another pleasant departure from the stuffy NBC way. The Warner lot is a perfect fit for Conan, as it is easily the most easy-going and historical of all the studios in Los Angeles. Being at Warner Brothers instead of NBC means many things - you can sit down while you wait in line, unlike at 30 Rock, but you can also visit the bathroom, which is unheard of for any readers who had the privilege to see a taping of Late Night. Additionally, their check-in system for guests is much more reasonable and efficient - they allow you to check in, then leave and come back if you so wish.

There will be challenges for Conan - not only are they up against a ludicrously outdated Jay Leno and another of Conan's personal role models David Letterman, he's also competing with  other basic cable giants Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, both of whom provide nearly the entire 18-49 demographic with their daily news. But this isn't about competition, and it's not about ratings, it's about the welcome return to television for a man who has always made us laugh, and it's nice to have him back. On Conan's final Tonight episode on January 22, 2010, he had these words to offer: "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen." We all look forward to more amazing things from Conan O'Brien.

On Monday (and beyond) when you tune in to Conan, it'll be almost as if the Tonight debacle never happened. As Elijah Wood said to Conan on Thursday, "all is right with the world now that you're back." I couldn't agree more.

And there's more where that came from.
Meljo


Conan premieres on Monday, November 4 at 11pm on TBS.

Five Things Steve Burke Can Do to Save NBC

Dear Comcast,

Congratulations on your merger with NBCU. I'm a longtime fan of the network and its programming, but was forced to boycott as a result of Jeff Zucker. I happily await the arrival at the network of Steve Burke, and am excited to see the changes that will happen at NBC.

I watch a lot of television, and have been watching a lot of television for, well, forever. In that time, I've made a lot of useful observations that I think might help you in your new endeavors, and might bring you back to the top of the Big Four Food Chain. Here are some of them.

1. Fix your advertising campaigns.

NBC has, for many years, poorly advertised their shows. Often times the advertising won't accurately describe the program at all. The example I always use to make this point is the show  American Dreams (2002-2005). If I were to give a logline to an ad agency in order to market this show, it would be "A middle-class family in Philadelphia deals with the events of the tumultuous 1960s while drawing comparisons between that time and present day." Instead, the ad campaign revolved around the idea that "pop-stars of today portray pop-stars of the 1960s on American Bandstand."

No.

American Dreams could have been a gold mine for NBC. It was sort of the pre-Glee in that it appealed to all different demographics. High school students could watch this show with their parents and be entertained, but unlike with Glee,  hey could be educated. Every episode was a history lesson - and if any of you have been paying attention, that is the intended purpose of television. To educate, as well as entertain.

2. Stop greenlighting reality television.

Reality TV killed the dinosaurs. I read that in a history book, honest.

There is nothing more useless than reality television. Is it a guilty pleasure? Sure, but it's trash, and it's not worthy of the network that is responsible for the invention of television. There are arguments that it's cheap to produce, and therefore it brings in more revenue, but that has also proven to be harmful in the long run. For example, viewership of NBC declined drastically when they switched the majority of their programming to reality shows. My favorite argument is that reality television can, in no way, be considered reality. One, the participants are always aware of the cameras, and two, real people wouldn't eat bugs and live in close quarters with people they disliked or swap spouses. Why? Because it's humiliating. Also, bugs are not so tasty.

Scripted television is a glorious thing. Yes, I'm a screenwriter, and I am biased. But shows that make you think are really something. Look at the popularity of Lost. Heck, look at the success of the whole crime drama genre - if there's a mystery to be solved, or a puzzle to figure out, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come. No matter how much money you're saving, you're not going to keep your audiences from year to year with reality shows.

3. For the love of God, get rid of Jay Leno.

Soon, his demographic will all be dead. Additionally, the conventional talk show is dead. I was less than pleased when I heard that Jimmy Fallon would be taking over the Late Night program, but since then, I have eaten my words. Jimmy has not only done wonders for his own career, he has brought the internet generation back to television. He's doing a great job.

Am I saying to offer the Tonight Show back to Conan O'Brien with your peacock feathers between your legs? No, because he's got a pretty good thing going. Cable TV is a booming metropolis now. I'm telling you to find a fresh face, take a risk, and revamp the franchise before it takes its last breath.

4. Give shows a chance.

Neilsen ratings are not accurate, and they're outdated. Because of this, we can't really be 100% sure of who watches what. In the olden days and, to some extent, during the 1990s, NBC gave shows more than their fair share of chances to scrape up a bigger audience.

Let's talk about a little show called Seinfeld.

Seinfeld had a pretty good following, but not great, until an episode called "The Contest." We're all familiar with that particular episode, so no need for a recap (John. F. Kennedy. Junior.). What you may not know, is that "The Contest" appeared in SEASON THREE. That's right. The network gave Seinfeld three seasons to get on their feet. Most programs these days get maybe one season. But hardly.

5. Watch television.

I think the biggest failure about Jeff Zucker was that he doesn't watch TV. He is, admittedly, very into business, sports, and politics. Never anywhere did he mention how he feels about entertainment. Entertainment is the key to having a successful foothold on the entertainment business. Look at the success of past NBC president Warren Littlefield. That man loves television. He has produced numerous things during his career, even post NBC. He cares about television, and he cares about its progress. I can only hope that Steve Burke will do the same.


I want to get back together, NBC. But you're going to have to really consider these things, as well as my feelings.

There's more where that came from.
Meljo

David Sarnoff can be seen rolling in his grave on NBC's new show, FOUNDER DESECRATION! Coming this February to NBC.

This just in: NBC owes me an apology.

Today, January 12, 2010, Conan O’Brien made what was probably the most difficult decision of his career – he exited the NBC late night mess that began a little over a year ago with the birth of The Jay Leno Show with grace and dignity that we can all be proud of. But then, you knew that. How could you avoid it? The only question that remains is whether or not Conan will go to a different network.

(If you haven’t read Conan’s poignant official statement, you can do so at http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/conan-obrien-says-he-wont-do-tonight-show-following-leno/?hp)

Let’s talk about Conan. If you know me, you know that I have a bias towards Conan O’Brien. I love him. No, really, you don’t understand. I love Conan O’Brien. I’m considering getting a tattoo of some kind. I’ve watched him grow as an entertainer, and my fandom for the man expands from the years “Who is that?” through “Good for him! He’s got balls.” By making Conan a deal for the Tonight Show in 2004), they set his career back six years. If he had taken the offer to go to FOX, he would have turned to a more crass network (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and in the process would have revamped his show and evolved past the stuffy NBC late night format. Instead, NBC promised him a television institution, which he thought about, possibly without interruption, for six years.

In addition to bringing Conan across the country from New York to LA, NBC brought a whole slew of other people. They brought Conan’s wife and two children. They brought the dog. They brought the show’s many (male) writers and their families, cars and personal belongings. They brought the crew, the band, the personal assistants, the accountants. They uprooted Late Night with Conan O’Brien and moved it to a multi-million dollar studio, built from scratch, on the NBC Universal lot. These are the things that NBC chose to spend their millions on, and rightfully so. After all, Jay Leno’s demographic is asleep at 11:35. So shouldn’t they have given the franchise to someone a little fresher? A little younger? Someone who could bring in the 20 to 30-somethings and the loopy insomniac crowd? Yes, they should have. And they did. But instead of it working, it got all messed up. But why?

All signs point to The Jay Leno Show.

Many fortune 500 companies have mandatory retirement. NBC is usually no different. When you’re an entertainer, and you get old, they push you out. This was the case in 1992 when NBC pulled the plug on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show era. It’s not a widely known fact, but Johnny Carson had no intention of retiring from the show at year 30. He had every reason to keep going, too. Not only was Carson’s show the most coveted performance amongst entertainers, it was seen as the Mecca of show business. If Johnny called you over to sit in that chair, you had made it. You were the next big thing. Then NBC pulled the plug, and gave the franchise that Johnny all but birthed to some comedian that was halfway decent. Although Carson liked Leno well enough, he wasn’t first choice. Not by a long shot. In order to get his job at NBC, Jay Leno hid in a closet during an executive board meeting to hear exactly what the network wanted so he could deliver. For more information, read The Late Shift. Anyway, Tonight went to Leno after Carson’s forced retirement. Johnny took it gracefully, because that’s the kind of man he was: a graceful entertainer that we could be proud to watch, learn from, and love.

Jay Leno’s Tonight Show has always felt, to me, like I’m on a cruise ship. There’s lounge music being played by a band of perfectly capable musicians that look like they’d rather be anywhere than playing bad music for a bunch of rich white people. Everyone is tan, there are neon lights. The way Jay runs the thing, he might as well wear a captain’s hat and invite a nice couple to sit at his table for dinner. The live show isn’t much better. The pre show consists of the announcer giving out crap with the show’s logo on it to the obese audience members who come up on stage and show their “talent,” which is usually just turning their eyelids inside out. After that, he sings a song while strumming an out of tune acoustic guitar. Only then can the show begin. The worst part of the entire thing is Jay’s first entrance into the studio. He comes out unannounced BEFORE the warm up act in his street clothes (a head to toe denim outfit that looks as though it could be prison issue) to tell the audience how the show works. He talks about the importance of applause, and how the people on the floor need to rush the stage to shake his hand when he makes his first entrance in order to make the studio look more full, and like they’re excited to meet him. Magic? Ruined.

Conan’s pre show at Late Night was amazing. First, we meet a staff writer, Brian McCann, who does the warm up. He is a seasoned stand up comic, and does a good job of making fun of the audience and getting them laughing. That’s when they bring out the band. You can’t always tell this from the broadcast, but the Max Weinberg 7 is probably one of the most incredible bands playing today. I could go on and on about their musical abilities, but you wouldn’t know what I was really talking about. They’re good. To say the least. Then, at the climax of the band’s set, a drum roll, and an announcement “Here he is, Conan O’Brien!” and a 6 foot 4 inch mountainous redhead bounds into the studio and up the risers into the audience like an Irish setter. He gets a crazed look on his face as he looks around the studio at what he’s up against – around 150 adoring fans. Fans who wear shirts with his face printed on them, fans who bake him cakes on his birthday that he would, under no circumstances, eat. Fans who hold up signs that say things that they hope and pray will single them out so that they might be acknowledged by the man whom they so adore. After he takes the audience in, the music blares anew. The audience claps in time and cheers, and Conan O’Brien begins to dance. He dances a little like a blonde girl on the beach in a 1960’s music video, but no one seems to mind. The audience are all on their feet, screaming, as though this man is a God. That’s when he takes an audience member into the aisle – usually an attractive woman or a mid twenties male, and coaxes them to dance with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds until Conan stops the music. “Woah, woah, woah. Sir, it’s inappropriate for you to be out of your seat like this. Please sit down immediately!” Everyone laughs. The dancing audience member gets drum sticks from Max. Conan welcomes the audience and retreats to the stage while the band begins the theme song. The energy is high, there is happiness in the air. No one has to instruct the audience how to cheer and applaud. They already know.

There are many things wrong with NBC. The biggest one, however, is that they have no idea what they’re doing anymore. I had an interview with NBC to be a page at their New York studios about three years ago in which I was asked a pretty serious question. The question was:
“Why do you think NBC is in last place in the ratings amongst the ‘Big 4?’’
I thought about it for only a moment before I gave my answer. “Because you don’t have a good ad campaign. For example, NBC recently cancelled a show called American Dreams, which was a beautifully written show about a family living in Philadelphia during the tumultuous 1960’s. However, the show was advertised as ‘the show that takes current pop stars and casts them as past pop stars that performed on American Bandstand!’ That’s not what the show was about at all.”
“Okay,” she said. “Any other reason?”
“You have too much reality and not enough scripted shows.”
“Oh no, no,” she said. “Reality is our number one money-maker!”
“And that,” I said, “Is your biggest problem.”
I didn’t get that job. But I’m fine with that, because NBC didn’t get me, either.

The day FOX became a better network than NBC (officially) was the day they started advertising Glee. They did so to the correct demographic, and even went so far as to show the pilot episode after the season finale of American Idol, which probably brought in 50% of the show’s viewers. Glee is a television phenomenon, and rightfully so. Thanks to proper advertising, we’ll probably even get to see it.

I can’t even express how disappointed I am with NBC. We had some good times, didn’t we NBC? You were responsible for the invention of television, and for broadcasting in general. You gave us Cheers, and Seinfeld, “Must See TV,” and Saturday Night Live!, but most of all, NBC, you gave me drive in my life to become who I am. I am a television loving, comedy writing fool, who knew no better than to trust you. Despite all of this, you also gave us a lot of heartache - especially in the past few years. It’s hard for me to say this, NBC, but I’m breaking up with you.

I renounce my allegiance to NBC. I renounce what they did to the man I admire more than almost any man in the entire world, because even though Conan O’Brien is a brainy Harvard goofball, I love him so much more than most people will ever understand. What happened to him isn’t just not fair, it’s disgusting. In an attempt not to lose money, NBC would have gladly taken an institution like The Tonight Show and moved it, well, to tomorrow.

Today we saw the final nail in the coffin for a once great network. We also saw a fine, graceful move by an incredible man, because that’s the kind of man he is no matter where he ends up: a graceful entertainer that we are proud to watch, learn from, and love.


And there's more where that came from.
-Meljo

The Jay Leno Show

Oh. Oh my. No.

No, no, no.

Remember mandatory retirement? Neither does Jay Leno.